January 2010
“A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move...”
– Woody Allen (Annie Hall)
“All those times that I said I was sober,
Well I’m afraid I lied,...”
– Lily Allen (Not Big)
*This girl is vicious!
This isnt your mother's physics. →
Oh Shit! I didn't even know there were black... →
“Honey, you’re the one who stopped sleeping with me, ok. It’ll be a...”
– Woody Allen
Crimes and Misdemeanors
My Role Models
Joseph Campbell , Voldemort ,Larry David, St. Augustine, Moses,Spider-man ,Lorelai Gilmore, Dumbledore, Gandalf, Saruon, Gimli, Carl Sagen , Plato , George Costanza , Nietzsche (affectionately known as “Niet”), Superman , Schopenhauer, Storm, Ash Ketchum , Mircea Eliade ,Adam Brody , Claude Levi-Strauss , Mr. S , Buddha , Mr. Fantastic , Old Testament God , Buffy The Vampire Slayer,...
What friendship is all about.
Me to Will: Fine. Regina Spektor isnt bad either....
Noor: derrrr
Will: haha represent noor
Me: ....."I hate you" is not strog enough to describe my feeling towards you two so will created one that is apt.
Will: Stop drinking that Hater-ade!
Me: I tired drinking Love-ade but it's gives me the stomach flu.
Will: That was semen.
Me: You filthy, uncouth, ragamuffin of a neanderthal.
Noor: ^lawl
Noor: p.s. collin - i hate you too
Fung: 1up Will :)
Me: ...and it starts. Well, let me put on the grown-up pants and say that i was saying I was wrong.
Will: So you're not using pull-ups any more?
Me: It made me and your mom's foreplay a little tricky.
Me: I dont't care for that: I apologize
Australia is raw →
Colin: Master of The Art Of Life Lesson # 1
One must never describe the a woman’s shape a pear-like.
1) People = Fruits is false.
2) Pears have that sickly green/yellow coloring and stems that poke out of their tops like antenna.
3) Pears are small at the top and big at the bottom. Anyone who looks like that is silly looking.
3) If one compares a women to a pear , then one could assume that a women TASTE like a pear. Cannibalism...
Coming Soon
I will be installing a new series of post called “Colin: Master of the Art of Life”.
Using my 19 years of experience , I will give out daily spurts of wisdom such as:
-Personally made quotes on love, living, and learning
- Advice, hand-crafted and tested by me on a vortex of topics.
- Pictures taken by myself to encourage growth in leaps and bounds
So prepare dear readers, to a...
And people think you can't discover the past →
Black Fact
The closest Church’s Chicken:
510) 266-3678 390 W. Tennyson Rd. Hayward, CA 94544 Drive Thru 18.04 miles away
When I get married I would like to:
Ride into a church on a white elephant
and
Throw up gang signs in all my photos
The rain reminds me of you....
Wet, cold, prone to drawing out worms from the ground, damp pant legs, smell of wet fur, floods, boats, old jewish men, god, two of each animal, rainbows, Steve Carell, virgins, waxing, awkward sex scenes, bad dialogue before sex in porn, multiple sex-positions done in 5 min, 300, men in leather, jumping spear attacks, giant black dudes, Gerard Butler, Captain Hegil,Gerard Butler and Captain Hegil...
Best excuses not to go to work. Ever →
“That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom...”
– Barney Stinson on his 1st sexual experience.
S.3 “The Yips”
If I was a Girl
-I would wear low-cut dresses to show off my bosom for various favors like tickets and tables.
-I would hangout on the side of busy street and show off my legs to get free ride.
- Break-up with guys only after accepting thier invitation of going out.
- Put my hair in ringlets.
- Walddle my hip EVERYWHERE
- Be a total slut.
Final Synopsis: Girls have superpowers!
Buy your girl some bling in a bottle. →
